Step-by-Step Guide to Make Her Reach Orgasm (NSFW)

(Click on the Section that Interests You)
  1. Short Introduction to This Guide & Female Orgasms
  2. Attitude, Approach & Rules to Follow
  3. Female Orgasms & Female Emotions: Explained
  4. Step-by-Step Female Orgasm Guide
  5. Conclusion & Additional Notes



This is a how-to guide to giving women orgasms. While any woman can generally be brought to orgasm, this guide has been written for men that want to improve an existing relationship they already have with a woman. The goal of this guide is to help men enhance the sexual side of their relationship with the woman (or women) in their lives.

I want you to focus on the women that ARE PRESENT in your life – not the ones you think MIGHT be present in the future. Why? Because those that are already there have developed a certain level of comfort and openness with you – and, as we’ll see later, this is a key component to making her orgasm.

Whether you want to believe what follows – or not – is entirely up to you. I can tell you with absolute certainty that bringing a woman to orgasm has some immediate benefits for the overall relationship. In general they can be summed up like this:

  1. You make her cum really hard, and YOU feel like a star in bed – which in turn increases your libido because YOU want to experience that intensity again.
  2. You make her cum really hard and SHE feels like you’re a star in bed increasing her libido because SHE wants to experience that feeling again.
  3. You immediately start DOUBLING the number of times you have sex together.
  4. Having more incredible sex together builds ‘extreme intimacy’ and your relationship becomes closer than ever – not based on ‘what you own’ or ‘what you do for her’. It becomes stronger purely form the incredible energy released as a result of fucking each other’s brains out.

What I won’t be talking about in this guide:

  1. Giving an orgasm to a drunk one-night stand picked up in a bar at 1:00 AM. Not because she’s not worth it – but because LEARNING to make a girl orgasm takes a little time and effort. With a one night stand, you might get lucky and pickup a very orgasmic girl – but in general, you’re there to serve up a ‘nice stiff one’ and leave before the crack of dawn.
  2. The sexual anatomy of a vagina. If you’ve never seen one, focus on figuring out your ‘quantity’ problem first. You don’t need to know the medical terminology for each section of the vagina to make a girl orgasm. This isn’t a technical manual – and can’t be – because every woman is different.

So – are you ready for this? Read on!


In general, the biggest piece of adduce I give guys is to leave their pre-conceptions of fucking women at the door. While porn may have convinced you that it’s ultra-easy to easy to make any girl have an orgasm, it’s actually quite … different.

Porn might be great to watch for a quick tug at home, but it doesn’t really represent what most women like in bed. The proof is out there – have you ever heard of female-friendly porn (like Anna Span’s movies?)? It *DOES* exist, and if you watch it, you will notice HUGE differences in it when compared to the porn we watch as men. It’s much more representative of what I’ve seen women respond to positively in bed.

You can’t just stick you cock or a dildo in there and expect her to gush like a geyser. I wish it were. I also wish it was purely based on the amount of time you spent ‘pumping’ her. It’s also not that. Have you ever heard the saying “Every girl is different” ? It’s true, my man! Because every girl is different, every orgasm you give one is different. The key is in finding out HOW different women are from one to another. To that extent, I have built this guide to help you discover what type of woman you’re sleeping with.

To that extent, here are a few rules that I follow religiously to keep my attitude towards making women orgasm in check:

Rule #1 >> Make It a Mission!
Most guides will tell you to NOT focus on the orgasm. I partially agree with this, in the sense that the sex shouldn’t become so timed and weird for the purpose of making her ‘cum’. However – from my experience – making it clear that you want to make an orgasm happen for her will generally turn her on – a lot.

The right way to introduce your mission is while you’re kissing her and ramping her up for sex. Just look her in the eyes and tell her ‘mmmm … I think I have a new mission in life’ … when she says ‘what?’, simply reply ‘My only goal now is to make you cum really hard … every time … I want that for you …’. I’ve never has this fail. In fact, it does wonders for opening her to new sexual experiences – because the subtext basically says ‘we need to go ahead and try new things as of now’.

In most cases, that ends up with a trip to the sex shop immediately after that sexual encounter. It’s freaking marvellous!

Rule #2 >> Most Women Are Submissive In Bed – Always Lead, Never Ask
Feminists will disagree, but I think you’ll understand this one. While you get the occasional woman that loves to be in complete control of the sexual situation, most women want YOU to lead THEM to a place where there’s promise of intense pleasure.

It’s very similar to a first kiss. You know how girls tell you they like guys to just ‘go for it’ and get really turned off by guys who ask ‘can I kiss you now?’. It’s exactly that. Assume that once you’re making out, she will follow you wherever you lead her.

This is the MOST DIFFICULT rule for men to follow, because it’s counter-intuitive – but if you simply ignore that voice that say’s ‘ask her’, you should be fine. HOWEVER – this isn’t to be interpreted as having ‘carte blanche’ with her at any time.

For example, you wouldn’t try anal sex without first talking it over. If you stick to regular ‘vanilla non-fetish’ sex, you can pretty much lead her into any experience, and she’ll like you for it.

See the next section entitled ‘Female Orgasms & Emotions’ for more on this.

Rule #3 >> Slow IT Down & Change Up Your Sexual Encounters – A LOT!
Slowing down your time to penetration will do wonders for both her and you. If you typically have sex over a period of 20 minutes, crank that time in bed up to an hour, and introduce other elements (which I discuss later). Extending your time in bed dissolves the pressure that’s making her orgasm. Basically, it just gets her turned on to a point where she just can’t hold back her orgasm anymore.

Rule #4 >> Learn To Escalate Sexual Tension & VARY Your Experiences
As men, we’re easily aroused. In general, a gust of wind is enough to get us going. Guys can cum every time. The position and girl may differ, but the actual final pleasure doesn’t. Women are different from us. They want to experience INTENSITY as an integral part of their orgasm. Women like sexual novelty more than men – read a romance novel or two and you’ll get the gist of this rule.

A woman’s most most sexual organ is the mind. See the next section entitled ‘Female Orgasms & Emotions’ for more on this.

Rule #5 >> Your Commitment & Leaving Your Vanity At The Door
No man wants to think that he’s not good enough by himself when it comes to pleasing women. It’s one of those things that make us cringe and go ‘FUCK MAN .. NOOOOO’. Vanity is a weakness we all share as men. We talk a ton of shit around our guy friends and most men are in denial about their true sexual prowess.

You need to cut out this attitude like a fucking cancer, if you want to succeed.THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT. You cannot have this mindset that help can’t possibly be needed when it comes to making her get to orgasm. This is a limiting belief that I see again and again in men that are simply too proud to face the fact that sometimes, you need help to achieve the hard goals in life.

THIS IS THE ULTIMATE MISTAKE. Again – if you’re reading this guide, odds are that you’re not making her orgasm right now. I hate to be the one to have to say it, but grow up, man. This is about HER and not YOU. A real man would shed those “I’m the man” beliefs and become an orgasm-giving partner. Fixing the way you think and approach sex with your partner is the ultimate gesture. Facing your own fears is what makes you a real man. Not denying them.

For those that haven’t left this site yet, there are three main areas you’ll want to enhance in the bedroom:

  • The hardness of your dick. Don’t be so proud to think a little Viagra or Cialis won’t help. These pills will take you from having a good erection to having a baseball bat hard-on. Best of all, you get to go right back to having an ultra erection after a few minutes rest post-orgasm.
  • What you poke & stroke her with. Similar to the above, women love it when YOU introduce and handle sex toys in bed. I’ll talk more about which toys women respond to best in a later section – but the important thing for the moment is that you realize that getting a little help from plastic friends is the equivalent of a gift, NOT a curse.
  • What you turn her on with. Kisses aren’t always enough to get her going. You should have an array of massage oils, candles and music in your arsenal to help enhance the overall mood you want get to get into.


As mentioned in rules #4 and #5, above, orgasms for women are more than simply getting pumped by a male. Women connect emotions with pleasure much mores than men. As I mentioned, if you can seduce her mind, you will not only control her body – you will also control how her body responds to your touch.

Here’s a short story for you. My good friend Annie was telling me how she had her first orgasm. She was (get this!) 28 years old, and had NEVER been with a guy that made her orgasm.

She’d had both casual sex and a few relationships, but none of the men in that lot had been successful.  Along comes Mike. After their second date, he went back to her place. He lit up a few candles and got some soft-funk brazilian slow music going off her ipod. He tied her down to the bed with his necktie and his dress shirt, and told her he wanted to give her a massage. He kissed her slowly. She said it felt like ‘hours’.

It was probably just a few minutes worth of rubbing oil on her and kissing her. He went down on her for a bit – then fingered get G-Spot for a bit. Every time she moaned harder, he’d tell her ‘not yet baby’.

When he came back up for air, he asked her where she kept her vibrator. She told him and he got it out. He did that with her for a while. Then, he went in, and she told me she felt like he knew ‘exactly’ what to do, and how to do it.

In actuality, after speaking to Mike about it (he’s a good friend and they are now married) – he told me he was simply looking at her face, and deciphering what she was responding to well and not so well. He started inside her slowly, and went towards rougher sex after awhile. As he was escalating towards rougher sex, he whispered to her ear: ‘let yourself go’ … She finally came after she told him this ‘pull my hair and fuck me hard’.

Let’s look at the above, and de-construct exactly what happened to Annie (with additional notes):

  1. The date was a good time. She was already ‘into’ Mike and he furthered that by making the ‘non-sexual’ part of the evening fun.
  2. Annie felt desired. After she left the restaurant with Mike, it was clear to her that he wined and dined because he found her to both fun and desirable. Mike didn’t hide his desire for her. In fact, he kept saying things like “I think you’re fucking fantastic”. What’s the lesson here? It’s OK to let her know you’re into her.
  3. He set the mood for the evening – one of passion and exploration.
  4. He led Annie by ting her down, yet making sure that she could get un-bound anytime. He made her perceive she was both safe AND submitted to him.
  5. He wasn’t cheap on foreplay.
  6. She was into the above so much that she would have never said NO to the vibrator question.
  7. He kept telling her to hold back an orgasm, even if she wasn’t really close to having one each time.
  8. The whole foreplay part lasted roughly 45 minutes.
  9. The actual sex *might* have lasted 15 minutes or so (Mike’s words)

Mike seduced Annie’s MIND, and therefore had her body any way he wanted. In turn, giving herself up that way turned Annie on, because she was exploring a new, raw, ultra-sexual side of herself she had never before seen.

That in turn aroused her more, and the commands of holding back an (inexistent) orgasm helped to bring her to new heights of pleasure – which finally culminated in the ultimate feeling.

So, to summarize – to make a woman orgasm you need to:

  1. Stir up emotions inside her GRADUALLY
  2. Make her feel DESIRED and UNIQUE
  3. Setup an environment that is conductive to INTIMACY
  4. Lead her into YOUR SEXUAL WORLD by taking THE LEAD
  5. Pretend to take the SEXUAL SITUATION CONTROL AWAY from her while LETTING HER KEEP ‘I WANT OUT’ CONTROL of the situation
  6. Escalate sexual desire with MORE THAN ONE FOREPLAY METHOD
  7. Build DESIRE for THE ORGASM by pausing when she’s peaking upwards towards it
  8. Enter her ONLY after having spent significant time on GRADUAL & ESCALATED foreplay
  9. Command her to ENJOY THE MOMENT

The above are, of course, physical acts. You can’t make her orgasm without any physical contact. What you’re really doing at the same time you’re touching her is priming her mind – introducing very strong emotions of desire and fantasy into the mix. This creates the perfect opportunity for her to finally ‘let go’ and stop thinking about her orgasm – and simply having one.


Alright – now here’s the step by step more ‘technical’ version of the orgasm guide. I’ve performed this with dozens of women, and it’s never failed. It’s cost me a small fortune in vibrators (NOTE: Don’t re-use ‘em – women don’t respond well to a used sex toy … hehe) and accessories over the years – but it was well worth every penny. It’s good to note that this is a step by step guide for a FIRST orgasm experience for your women. Vary the music and the techniques here over time so it doesn’t get ‘boring, routine and repetitive’.

What You’ll Need & Why

Soft Music
WHY: To set the mood. Sounds play a huge roll in the way we feel ‘in the moment’. Have you ever been in your car when Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love a Bad Name” comes on? Did you ever notice yourself accelerating? The same principle is applied here, but to slow things down.
WHAT: Download the works of Bebel Gilberto (YouTube Link). She’s an American-Brazilian singer which sings mostly bossa nova music. Set that as your mood-enhancing music. Trust me on this one. As soon as you hear even 30 seconds of any song she’s written, you’ll understand why I use this artist for my lovemaking. Build a repertoire over time of similar type of music which you enjoy – do NOT include anything you know the lyrics to. It’s a turn off when you break into song & dance while going down on her. I speak from experience 🙂

WHY: Most women will shy away at having sex with the light on, but will find the dim flicker of a candle very comfortable.
WHAT: Get a good set of scented candles. Position them on a piece of furniture that’s not next to you, so the lighting is low, but present enough to see her body.

WHY: They are more intimate than handcuffs for a first try. Women find it erotic to see you sacrifice a piece of your clothing for their pleasure and / or protection. It’s like giving her your jacket when she’s cold. It’s a move that meks her feel desired, Graduate to handcuffs and other apparel at a later date.
WHAT: Two neckties of any soft material will do just fine.

Massage Oil
WHY: Even a short massage coupled with some light kissing and petting is a great mood setter for whats to come.
WHAT: Any decent massage oil can do just fine. Do be careful not to get something that smells ‘too hard’. If you’ve got no clue where to start, try “Aromatic Massage Oil Pleasure” massage oils. They have been consistently voted as the most pleasant oils by women for over a decade.
STRONGLY RECOMMENDED: Aromatic Massage Oil Pleasure Massage Oils

WHY: Not all women ‘wet’ the same way. Be sure to apply just a bit whenever you’re entering into her – fingers or toys. It’ll make her feel wet and more aroused, too!
WHAT: Lubricants from your local pharmacy. Do NOT get the ones that ‘heat up’, because some women get negative reactions from the burning sensation.
STRONGLY RECOMMENDED: Adam and Eve Liquid Sex Sensatizing.

WHY: It’s a great way to tease her BEFORE sex. You only need a few minutes of playtime with it – keep the entry shallow unless she thrusts forward and either kiss her body while doing it or make sure you’re going down on her.
WHAT: You don’t want a 12 inch vibrator here. You want something small, while simply gives her a ‘taste’ of what’s to come. You do NOT WANT a dildo (those don’t vibrate). One such toy is the LELO SORAYA (roughly less than 200$ online), which is a new arrival in the vibrator world. It’s a bit pricey, but women swear by it because of the feeling it gives them, and doesn’t look like a plastic monster when you pull it out. Added bonus: when it comes to changing it up, you can tell your partner to put it in her purse and use it outside of house once a day. This is naughty and highly arousing to women. Make sure you get familiar with the settings BEFORE.

Clitoral & G-Spot Stimulator
WHY: Because if played in the right sequence, adding this toy into the mix guarantees an orgasm to happen. It’s a “U” shaped flexible toy that vibrates, and stimulates both the clitoris AND the G-Spot when inserted. Therefore, once you enter her, the part that’s rubbing her in the inside gets pushed up against her G-Spot as you’re trusting back & forth. You can trust my word on this one: no woman can handle 20 minutes of penetration WHILE having a vibe on their G-Spot AND their clitoris. To be played in sequence (see how to guide)
WHAT: The best rated C/GS stimulator is the We-Vibe 4 (specifically notice the ‘4’ – this the the fourth version of this vibrator and it has more settings than the earlier version of this product). Some of the others are a little rough and not all women respond well to the pre-determined form. The We Vibe is ultra-flexible, so it adjusts to the unique shape of a woman’s interior and exterior contours. It also has a few ‘roughness’ settings. Start low and go higher as you go more towards rougher sex. Make sure you get familiar with the settings BEFORE.
STRONGLY RECOMMENDED: We-Vibe 4 G-Spot Stimulator

How To Give Her An Orgasm: The Method

Alright we’re finally here. Now that you have everything ready, here’s your step by step guide to making your woman orgasm.

1) Pre-bed ‘Date’
Have an event planned before you hit the bed. I generally suggest a picnic. It’s different from dinner. If you live in the North-East and it’s winter … IMPROVISE! Get a blanket, and setup a ‘picnic’ in your basement, complete with candles and the like. Television and / or a movie theatre are strictly prohibited. You want it to be a setting where it’s you and her in INTIMACY. Pop Viagra / Cialis if you have some.

2) The Setup
Get home and tell her to come join you upstairs in a few minutes. Get the candles lit, the lights turned off, the bedspread uncovered. Hide the vibrator in the sheets and have the lube nearby. Then, start the music. Call her up.

3) Pre-bed ‘Play’
When she enters the room, slowly & gently push her up against the wall and kiss her. When she asks “what are you doing?” answer “just shut up” (in a light, whispered tone). Move to her neck, and slowly remove her clothes while she’s pinned up against the wall.

4) Lie Down & Massage
Do NOT tell her to lie down. Do NOT ask her to lie down. Take her by the hand and move her to the bed. Lie her down. Kiss her some more, and tell her “get on your tummy”. At this point, you should remove her bra, if it’s still there. Bust out the massage oil. You don’t need to be a massage pro to get her loving this back massage. Just make sure you rub her SLOWLY on the back of her whole body. After a few minutes of this, tell her “turn around”.

5) Introducing First Neck Tie
Bind one end of the tie to the bed, the other to one of her wrists – not TOO might. Make sure she can always undo your knot. Then, pour some oil on her breasts and massage her torso, neck and upper body. Again, ‘massage’ doesn’t mean you need to go hard – you simply need to rub gently and slowly. Move to her legs and come back to her upper body. This should take less than 10 minutes.

6) Introducing Second Neck Tie
Bind her second wrist, and get close to her ear. Whisper “I am going to do really bad things to you tonight …”. Now that she’s completely ‘submitted’, you can kiss her body for a few minutes, focusing on her breasts (not just the nipples, dummy) and around her pussy. Do this for a few minutes, the last of which you spend teasing her vagina’s lips. Once you feel her wanting to thrust her clitoris at you, you can start going down on her.

7) Novelty ‘Down There’ and Issuing Commands
Feel free to improve on this next section, based on her responses in bed. While you’re in this step, your whole focus should be on building anticipation for the orgasm AND making her feel desirable. Start by going down on her and telling her “I love doing this to you, baby”. Once she’s moaning, slowly back away with your tongue and put in a finger, curved upwards. Slowly go back & forth with it until she’s moaning louder again and say something such as “don’t come too fast on me, baby”. Move back in with your mouth. Make sure you have the vibratorcloseby (it should be next to you, hidden in the sheets). Tell her “You’re going to like what’s coming” – and bring out the vibrator. Start it on the SLOWEST setting and rub her on the outside of her vagina with it for a little while. Once she’s moaning again, throw in a “Not yet baby – hold it back – make it last …”. Now enter her with the vibe. SHALLOW – not deep. Go very slow at first, and escalate as she gives you sings. They will come in the form of thrusts forward with her pelvis, which is a signal of her wanting you to go deeper. Stop. Now, go back to kissing her and not touching her vagina at all. Only for a minute or so. A very short period. In this short period, she’ll beg you to NOT stop and to keep going. Resist. Tell her you have a special surprise for her. Bring out the We-Vibe (make SURE you know what you’re doing – you should have played with it before, as instructed). Set it up in her and on her clitoris. Leave it at the slowest possible setting and focus on kissing her upper body and french kissing her too. Make sure she feels your rock-hard penis on her body. By now, if you’re not rock-hard for her, you should probably see a doctor. At this point, you should put on a condom, and get inside of her. Start slow, and whisper a few “fuck that feels soooo good” into her ear. Start thrusting harder. If you feel the We-Vibe pressing down on the top of your penis, it’s a good thing. it means it’s also pressing on her G-Spot.

8) The Final Mile
Once you’re into her with a good rhythmic thrust, tell her “let go baby – enjoy this’ and bring her to orgasm. it shouldn’t take more than 15 minutes from this point – generally it’s closer to 5 minutes until she reaches ecstasy. While you’re in her, you should be watching her face constantly. If she grimaces at any point, slow down a little, or adjust her legs. You can also exit her and make her beg to come back in. Teasing and whispering into her ear will all hike up her pleasure. Remember – you *ALWAYS* want her to be biting her lip, not cringing in pain.
If you’ve done all of the above, you should have made her cum. Hard.

Congratulations! Mission Accomplished!

A Few Important Additional Notes Below …

Going forward, use the same ‘type’ of techniques, but never exactly the same things. There’s one one thing that kills sexual fun more than limp-dick, and that’s routine sex. Anything that becomes a ‘boring task’ is murder for the soul. Always change it up a little. In time, you’ll find the exploring each other’s sexuality becomes the only thing you think about. That’s when she can’t wait to get home to fuck you, and when you’re waiting for her in the bedroom with a new sex toy.

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